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Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Early Days

Becoming a mom for the first time is one of the single most amazing things that has ever happened to me. It's changed my life and given me a purpose that I never imagined possible. But it was one helluva bumpy ride to start off!! I can remember the day he was born, thinking that we'd take over the world: just me and him. Ethan's father checked out very early in my pregnancy, so I knew what I was getting myself into, and I was prepared. Or so I thought.

We spent 4 days in the hospital with those angelic nurses who kept the percocets comin'! While I was there I didn't even give being at home alone with Ethan a second thought. I figured we'd do fine! I was ready, right? WRONG.

No one told me how hard it would be during those first few months. No one explained that the hospital shouldn't be my frame of reference even if baby roomed with me 100% of the time because while I was taking care of him, SOMEONE was taking care of me (did I mention that I had great nurses?). People had mentioned that recovering from a (-n emergency) c-section was hard, but NO ONE told me that taking care of a baby WHILE recovering was 25 times harder! No one explained how sleep deprivation could really turn you into an unrecognizable person, even to yourself. I was completely and totally DELIRIOUS for a few months. Not to mention hormonal, exhausted, depressed and out of sorts. I was in no condition to care for myself, let alone a newborn.

But there he was, in all his innocence. How could I deny him the love and affection he deserved? Especially since I was the only parent there to give it to him. I had to get over myself. For his sake. So Ethan and I pretty much needed each other, because without him I would have had no purpose, and without me he would have had no food. LOL!

To any pregnant woman reading this post, I kid you not: those first few weeks are pretty intense. You can hardly find the time to shower and eat, and getting anything more than 2 hours of sleep becomes a distant memory (regardless as to whether you're a single parent or not, I guarantee that some of this at least will apply to you!). But soon, your angel gets a little older, and a little more independent. Before you know it, they're sleeping through the night and eating less, and THEN the party begins. Ethan and I have so much fun together. He truly is a miracle and a blessing for me.

I look back on those early days home with him and it seems like it happened so long ago, but it was just 6 months. Despite how depressed I was and how challenging an experience taking care of him was during that time, I'm grateful for it. The entire process has made me stronger, and I think I've become a better parent due to the fact that there was so much that I had to do all on my own. Looking back, I'd do it all again.


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